Trauma changes you. Life experiences change you. How you were brought up changes you. Fear changes you. If a parent left you or they treated you badly, that changes you. Death changes you.
When you have suffered trauma, any sort of abuse, abandonment, extreme fear, inconsistent parenting, a parent leaving you when you were young etc, your brains pathways change.
You become hyper vigilant. You are always ready to either fight, run away or freeze. Your body learns never to relax.
You can have a low sense of self. You may say things to yourself like “If my parents couldn’t love me, then how can anyone else love me.”
You start to think about life as something you have to survive instead of something to be enjoyed.
You expect things to go wrong in your life.
If things go well you tell yourself that it will not be long before things will go bad again.
You forget what happiness is. You don’t trust it. The world can be a very scary place when you have no one you can trust. There is ‘hope,’ luckily our brains pathways can change.
When a person finds unconditional love/care, support and understanding, they start to trust.
When a person is really loved and cared for, their brains pathways will start to change. They will start to feel safe for the first time in their lives.
Their brain can then start to see the world differently, they can start enjoying things, they can start to experience pleasure, they may have moments of fun, maybe even laughter.
As time goes on, their brain plasticity will change. Instead of instantly being suspicious, judgmental and negative all the time. They will start to see things in a more positive light.
They may be more accepting of others, calmer. They will not get as irritated and angry as quickly or as often. They will see situations differently.
Remember that people who have been through a lot, will think very differently about life than you do. Their brains are wired very differently to someone who has had an easier life.
So don’t judge others when they write a comment or they say something that is completely different to how you think. “Until you have walked in my shoes, do not judge me.”
Purposecollector: On loving yourself.
I have been on a journey of seeking purpose all of my life. From what I’ve learned it all boils down to this: self-acceptance.
Truly accepting my flaws, becoming aware of the patterns that hold me from living the life I really desire and to stop self-judgment and criticism.
But also, truly accepting the beauty of the person that I am and to embrace the talents that I do have to show to the world. Instead of thinking that I am not enough. Because I am [and you are] To state I am enough is a great starting point for any worldly encounters.
We all have an inherent self-doubt and a fear of showing our real selves. Afraid people will judge it, afraid that people will laugh at you. It is a waste of time to be scared of something your soul desires. It will come back to you and haunt you until you are willing to become who you are meant to be. You can fight it but it will exhaust you. The moment will come that you are tired enough to give in and to see what is left of you, without the projections, patterns, and beliefs that were taught to you by your upbringing and the cultural bubble that you are in. Life can be challenging but losing oneself is not an option. Ask yourself the question: what do you want to let happen in the world? It is a great driver on the road to finding your purpose.
But first, love yourself.
Today I am starting purposecollector . It is an idea that I had for a while and it came haunting for me again and again. As I have been searching for a deeper understanding all of my life this comes naturally to me. It will keep me curious, give me answers and hopefully it can be a source of inspiration to others. It will feature my own thoughts and ramblings and I would like to talk to people about their drive and transformations as a person. In work and life. Suggestions are welcome! For me, this is a way to become the source of what I want to see in the world. Photography lindastulic out of the series 'love yourself' by blackberrystulic #purposecollector #purpose #self #be #loveyourself #storyofyourlife #yourtransformationalstory #transformation #loveyourself #love #art #artist #photography #bw
let's talk about bullying...
i never thought i would make it through high school. never thought i would pass my exams or get into college. never thought i would be able to get a job, pass college and get accepted to university. never thought i would graduate or have a long term partner. never thought i would be able to save money or move out of my mums house.
when you're bullied most of your life, it can badly affect your mental health and self esteem. it makes everything 10x harder than normal as you're always doubting yourself and feeling like people are judging you.
it's been that way most of my life. i was called fat, chinese slurs, pig. i was told to kill myself and physically attacked multiple times. i was made fun of in the school corridors, college, in the street, on social media, in shops, over fake phone calls.
i was scared to leave my house (and still get like that now). i remember wishing there was a way for it to stop without upsetting my family. i would cry myself asleep most nights and make myself sick in the mornings so my mum would let me stay off school. this is when i first learnt what mental illness was and how badly it was affecting me. i knew it was bad but didn't know how bad it actually was until looking back now and realising how far i've came.
please know you're not alone. you can ask for help and speak up about bullying. remember most bullies ARE jealous as they're going through struggles themself and don't know how to deal with their own pain. also sometimes people are just dicks for no reason, regardless what is wrong with them there's no excuse. speak up if you see someone being bullied. report accounts being hateful. question people that judge others and let them know it's not okay.
i got my power back and was able to overcome my struggles and do all of the things i always thought i never would. unfortunately some people don't and this is why it's so important to talk about and stand up for people. don't be the reason someone isn't here anymore.
#bullying #oddoneout #endbullyingnow #cyberbullying
I will never forget your teachings and your example. You were always my hero and my number one role model. You taught me how to be steadfast in God’s promises and not be waivered by this world. You demonstrated to me what a Godly husband looks like and what unconditional love means. You accepted all, did not judge, and were the personification of the fruits of the spirit. You adored me and I felt it every day. You told me how proud you were of me and I will never forget those conversations. You taught me about priorities and making sure I knew mine, and to always do what is right regardless of what others do. When I was little, you let me crawl up in bed with you and you would tell me stories of your childhood until I fell asleep. You taught me how to drive a lawn mower and how to braid my hair. One of my favorite things to do was grab your hairbrush and bring it to you and sit in front of you for you to brush my hair. You didn’t miss a ball game and you certainly weren’t quiet on the sidelines. You taught me that hard work and discipline is to be respected and to always stay humble and help somebody in need. You were silly and goofy, and never once did I see you lose your temper or raise your voice. You always made sure everybody else in the room was taken care of before yourself, and I always had to make sure you saw me eating or else you would question if I were adequately nourished. My entire life when I thought about who my hero was, you have always been the first face in my head. Thank you for demonstrating love, steadfastness, loyalty, and strength. Thank you for making me feel like the most intelligent, prettiest girl in the world who could do whatever I put my mind to. Thank you for making me eggs and toast (with butter on both sides) in the mornings before school and watching football games with me. Thank you for embracing me every time I walked in the door and making sure I had money for gas when I left. I will never stop missing you. I’ll never stop wishing I could walk in your house and plop down on your couch and put my head on your shoulder and watch tv. I will miss you until the day I see you again. I love you, Papa.
Let me clarify upfront—everyone is a beautiful soul with unique gifts to share with the world. And I’d never want someone to change what makes them, well…THEM.
But by the same token, I do believe that none of us are perfect. And if we find ourselves committing hurtful acts towards other people, then we should certainly hold ourselves accountable for our actions. That doesn’t mean we need to judge ourselves for our mistakes, but rather be open to learning from them so that we evolve into the compassionate humans we innately are.
Yet over the course of life, you’ll inevitably come across people who are simply not willing to accept how their actions cause others pain. And if you’re reading this post, you may know what I mean when I say…it sucks. It can feel like you’re talking to a wall—it’s incredibly frustrating, discouraging, and draining.
But after a certain point, you must come to PEACE with the fact that some people will simply not change their toxic behavior unless and until they become aware of their own need to heal. And sometimes that awareness can take a longggg time to arise. Just remember—it’s not your responsibility to bear their unresolved pain in the meantime.
You are your first priority. So take care of yourself, have compassion for those that hurt you, and choose to look at what the situation is teaching you instead because nothing you experience is a coincidence. Perhaps life is showing you that it’s time to put up stronger boundaries within your relationships...or that it’s time to even let go of someone/something completely.
Whatever it may be, trust and love yourself enough to do what’s best for you. Your happiness and well-being is solely your responsibility. And growing into a person who accepts and acts upon this truth isn’t always easy, but it’s so worth it. I promise ❤️
Being a Professional, isn’t just something you say you’re gonna do, it’s something you’re choosing to Live & Abide by:
To Lead By Example.⚜️
I’ve worked w/ all demographics in business, my age, younger, older, etc...
But w/ young people it’s sometimes tough to get them to see the Big Picture...🖼
See I wish we lived in a world where people wouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but first impressions are everything in Business, especially when you’re young.📖
I know Social Media makes it seem like you can be like the greats w/out looking sharp & put together but that’s not true in the real world...
Business Etiquette Is Everything Ladies & Gentlemen.💼
It’s not about whether you want to Suit up or not, it’s about Building credibility & trust through your Name/Brand.🗃
It’s about whether you’re someone who’s appealing enough to partner with.🤝
It’s about people trusting you w/ their Networks.🌐
I understand that many “Entrepreneurs” talk about being yourself, & though I agree, in retrospect I believe you should Redefine & be the best version of YOU!🙌
The People I Model Myself After:
Now don’t think that just “looking the part” is enough...
You must back it up w/ Skills you’re developing...✍️
How you carry yourself✅
How you treat others✅
How well you speak & what you speak about✅
How much you know about your Business/Industry✅
How to understand Human Behavior✅
This is how I’ve been able to Attract quality individuals into my business.👥
This is how I establish a firm foundation of Leaders.☝️
The quicker you decide to stop playing the game like an Amateur, at the same rate you’ll begin to Attract more Professionals into your Business.🔑
📸: disframe •
You don’t have to wear extravagant designer brands to look good...
itsmattrosa Has a powerful story where he didn’t even touch a gucci louisvuitton store until he secured $100,000 in his bank account.
He wore the same Suit w/ a different button up, belt, & shoes ever so often. He always chose to first Re-Invest into his Leaders & Business Before splurging.🗝